Over the years, self love was NOT something I practiced on a regular basis….or ever really. I was so focused on my kids, my marriage, and my career that I forgot about myself. I would get caught up in all the monotonous tasks we as human beings pack, jam, and squeeze into our lives. Like laundry, cooking, cleaning, contract deadlines, work meetings, carpool lines, football practices, school projects and PTA meetings, I could literally go on and on about the every day life tasks I did, that we all do but it’s pointless and I’ll tell you why in a bit. After a while, my light started to dim, and this was before I even knew I had a light but consciously I knew something was just lacking in my life, in my soul. My energy level was practically nonexistent, my will to want to be a better human wasn’t there, my light-my flame was barely flickering and I was withdrawing and finding myself just utterly depressed and without joy. I had more panic attacks then I've ever had before in my life and my stress and anxiety levels were at an all time high but at the same time I think I had reached an all time low - the lowest point in my life, as a mother, in my career, in my relationship or as an adult woman….I was lost. Even though you may have not known that or believed that if you knew me in real life because on the outside I looked to have my shit together and flourishing with a great relationship, awesome kids and successful career but inside I was drowning. Then it literally hit me one day, when I was down and out. Laying in my bed literally crying my eyes, my guts, my whole being out.... I was throwing myself the biggest bestest pitty party I’ve ever attended. BUT this is when it hit me, I wasn’t lost, I had just lost myself. I forgot my value, I forgot my worth, I forgot that I am a goddess that walks this earth and I forgot who my true self was. I made a commitment to myself to dive into shadow work and that is where my journey reignited.
Ok, so I say reignited because as a little girl I loved everything mystical, I grew up hearing stories about my great grandmother and my family is very superstitious so I’ve heard all kinds of things passed down from generations ago. I’ve always been very intuitive and empathic, ever since a little girl and my first tarot deck was given to me when I was 13 years old. So Shadow Work was something I had heard of before, but I was always like (Meh).I'm good, I don't need to know my "dark side." Needless to say, at one of the darkest parts of my life I was inspired (orrrrr maybe it was my guides screaming at me to get out of my own way) I reignited my journey to finding out who I really am. I went on a spiritual journey, a shamanic journey, I found a Reiki Master Teacher to mentor me and I dove deep, like really deep on a conscious and subconscious level and really tried figuring out why my perception is the way it is on certain things, why things trigger me and what my emotional baggage actually was, then I was finally able to ground myself, let go and release and tap into my true life purpose. That led me to today, in the present and now. Today, I'm a true healer, a certified Reiki Master Teacher, Certified Shamanic and Spiritual Life Coach, Certified Crystal Healer, Certified Sound Healer, Certified Meditation Instructor and Facilitator, Certified Hypnosis Practitioner and the Owner at Spanish Moon Healing.
Once I felt comfortable in my body again, I truly started seeing the universe for what it truly is. A beautiful, bountiful, abundant, limitless body of energy. Energy is in us, around us, in everything and once you can learn to tap into that, your whole world changes, or at least mine did. I wanted to soak it all in, I wanted to learn everything, and I wanted to start this journey with both feet grounded in this beautiful earth so I could feel the strength and empowerment I needed. And with that, I was off. I've always heard the quote "You can appreciate the light but before you have to know the darkness." I resonated with this so much because I felt I lost myself in the darkness but now this light, my light that I have reignited is burning brighter, and the light kept growing every single day. Every struggle, every trigger, every energy vampire that would dim my light a little bit, I learned how to build that back up and with more force than ever before. I was finally stepping into my true authentic self with my own powers and wisdom. I was able to see things for how they really were, I was able to have a strong effective voice for myself and manifest things for my highest and greatest good.
Babyyyyyyy, Let me tell you it wasn't easy. There have been people who have not believed in me, tried to dismiss what I'm doing but ask me if I give one flying F***: That is the beauty of where I'm at on my journey, I don't let others energies influence mine anymore. I believe in myself, and that is all that matters to me. I've lost a lot of people along the way but that is part of the journey too. Of course, I have my moments where I'm not zen or grounded or calm. I still cry, I still get triggered, I still get anxious but that is all natural occurrences in a lifetime. I just know how to handle things or how to not certain things/people effect me anymore. I’ve learned to protect my energy. I have a sense of who I am and what I bring to this planet. I've learned meditation and yoga was a HUGE outlet for me. Some of the things I enjoy and maybe you can try are: daily meditations (morning and evening), ritual bath soaks & great skincare go a LONG way, moon rituals, crystals, intention jars, monthly house cleansings with sage (Yes, my kids think I'm crazy LOL), reading, cooking, journaling, and so on. I just found alternative and holistic ways to release my energy that no longer serves me. My point is, I learned to take time for myself, to pamper myself and to set focused intentions. I learned resetting or releasing whatever I need to serve me at the time works wonders. I learned to tap into my power and my true self. Now, my light shines bright and I've never felt so abundant in all aspects of my life. So leave the dishes in the sink, fold those clothes tomorrow morning, but take some time for yourself. Something you are passionate about and serves your life in a positive way. Life is too short for the BS and to not be happy. Collect moments, not things. And shine your light, don't be afraid to be you and be careful who you share your energy with. Sending Spanish Moon love and light to all!